Tonight I downloaded LetGo, I also advertised on YP.com & Yelp.com in order to raise awareness for my organization Baba's Closet. My prayer is that people will see the beautiful jewelry I have for sale so I can keep my internet & electricity on. Before I get into my current problems I'll share how I came to the point of trying to turn my pain into purpose.
I've been abused for a large portion of my life, first by my father, then by 2 husbands. My father abused me in every way. The most devastating was the sexual abuse. When I was 15 years old my step-mother caught my father molesting me. She lashed out at me hitting me then she kicked me out of the house. I stayed with one of my Aunts (father's sister) for a while. She told me that I seduced my father & blamed me. I didn't tell anyone about the sexual abuse until 2003. Turns out he did the same thing to my half sister, she hasn't told anyone except her mother (my step-mother), our brother, & me. I married my first husband Blake right after high school. Looking back I see that I married him in order to get away from my father. He beat me for 9 years before I got the courage to leave him. He died in 2001 from an overdose. All of that pales in comparison to my last husband who is a narcissist.
The first time I married him in 2002 he loved me so very much. He would have died before doing anything to hurt me. Unfortunately I messed it up by cheating on him. When we reconnected in 2008 he proposed that we remarry because he was so happy I became a Muslim. I agreed because I thought that things would be even better than before because this time we shared a mutual faith, boy was I ever wrong. There's too much to explain when it come to narcissism so if you need more information I suggest you research it but I can tell you what he did to me during the 5 year marriage & then 2 more years of attempting to destroy me mentally & use me. Four months after we got married he cheated on me with my so called "best friend", she got pregnant. When he started to sleep with other women he stopped sleeping with me but refused to divorce me or leave me. He didn't always hit me but he lied all the time, gaslighted me, cheated on me, even going so far as moving his girlfriend into our home while I was away taking care of my family because my Aunt had breast cancer. He lied about the paternity of my former "best friend's" son until the child was 4 months old. He lied about when he would go see both my former "best friend" & his son, & he would lie about where he was staying while he was there. He would lie in her bed with her telling her that he loved her & he was going to divorce me so they could be a family. He never asked me for a divorce, for 2 years we argued about his relationship with my former "best friend", finally she got sick of his shit & broke up with him. I thought hamdullah, now he will try to repair our marriage, yeah, that never happened. December 2012 I went to Ft. Worth to help my family because my Aunt had breast cancer. My Aunt at that time was taking care of both my Grandmother, & my Mom so I needed to do whatever I could to help carry the load. After being at my Mom's for a couple of days he hadn't called me so I decided to call him, he was being more of an ass than usual so I decided to return home without informing him I'm coming. When I got home his new girlfriends clothes were on my dining room table, & her personal hygiene products were in my bathroom. Instead of fighting I decided just to leave. By the time I divorced him June 2013 she was already pregnant. After I completed the divorce I tried to get far away from my ex-narc husband by moving all the way to Baltimore. Even though we were divorced I remained friends with him & his family on Facebook. For a while things were difficult in Baltimore, I even went to Al Nisa which is a shelter for Muslim women. By the time I was finally starting to get my life together my ex-narc's sister sent me a message saying they had been attempting to contact him for several days but there was no answer, he wasn't calling back, & his voicemail was full. I knew that he wouldn't go that long without talking to his mother but neither I nor they knew how to get in contact with any of his friends in Austin. After thinking about the possibilities of reasons why he wouldn't call his mother I decided to look online to see if he was in jail. Sure enough he had been arrested for shooting inside of an Indian restaurant. His family begged me to go back to Austin to see what I could do to help him so as soon as I got paid I went back. He was in jail approximately 6 months. While he was in jail I took care of everything for him, I made sure his bills got paid, I cleaned his apartment which was left in a mess by S.W.A.T., I put money into his jail accounts so he could call people & eat something other than the food in the jail cafeteria, I spoke to his attorney frequently, but most of all I made sure he got to talk to his family in Pakistan. Despite of everything I did for him when he got out of jail in April 2014 he declared that he had no intention of remarrying me but I could stay with him. Since I didn't have anywhere else to stay I stayed. That summer my former "best friend" came with her 2 sons so that the ex-narc could see his son. I slept in his bed because she & the boys took over my bed. He embarrassed the hell out of me one day by declaring in front of her that he didn't want me sleeping in his bed. He went back to jail November 2014 due to him owning 3 gambling rooms, gambling is illegal in Texas. This time S.W.A.T. showed up to the apartment while I was there. I was asleep when I heard banging on the door, I thought it was him banging on the door because I had locked the top lock so he couldn't get in. As I sleepily headed towards the door, reached for the handle, they had already opened the door & gently grabbed my wrist to pull me outside. It wasn't until I was outside & hit with the cold air did I realize what was going on, & heard the truck outside over the loud speaker "Attention apartment #7303 this is the police, we have a warrant to search the apartment open the door or we'll bust it down". After warning him for months about spending too much time at the gambling rooms, & not leaving the money from the gambling rooms in the apartment he had been busted & all I could say was "You idiot!" He stayed in jail approximately a month, during that time I had to move out of the apartment, put most of our stuff in storage, move around from hotel room to hotel room, & I even got arrested myself over some tickets that he told me he had already took care of. I got sick from being in the cold rain while I moved out of the apartment. Again after he got out of jail he declared he had no intention of remarrying me so after everything this man had put me through I was angry. He convinced me to stay with him after he got out just so he could use me. He couldn't get an apartment in his name because he owed 4 different apartment complexes money for breaking the lease. So his uncle co-signed for us to get an apartment because I didn't make enough money to qualify for an apartment. We moved into a 1 bedroom apartment, immediately he took the bedroom since he had the only bed, I was left to sleep on the sleeper sofa in the living room. He reopened his gambling rooms, went back to sleeping with other women, lying to me, & trying to run things just because he paid the rent. In April of 2015 I decided to have surgery, I tried to impress on him how I would need him to help me out after I had the surgery, but narcissist are never there for you. The morning of my surgery he wasn't home so I had to drive myself. The next day when I was released he picked me up from the hospital, picked up my prescriptions, bought me soup, then disappeared. I never bothered him when he wasn't at home because I had learned a long time ago it's a waste of time so I didn't hear from him until he showed up to take a shower & change his clothes so he could go see his new girlfriend. Before he left he had the nerve to threaten me by telling me "Don't cross me". Of course I objected to being threatened in my home right after I had surgery, so, yes I yelled at him. Two days later I had reached my limit after looking on Facebook to see him in the profile picture with his new girlfriend on her Facebook profile. Seven years was too long as far as taking his abuse. I got a cab to go to the hospital to get my car, I put a lock on our storage room door that he didn't have the key to, when I got home I got the jack from my car & took some of his money that he had hidden from under the bed. Even though I wasn't supposed to drive I had no choice because he had decided that his gambling rooms & new girlfriend were more important. I dropped off my prescription & as I was exiting from Wal-Mart to get some more soup he sent me a text message asking if I was still upset because he wasn't, I didn't respond but knew I had to hurry up & get home before he did. When I reached the apartment I heated up some soup, took my pain medication & tried to sleep. Of course he showed up later banging on the door because he couldn't get in, I ignored him so he eventually went away. The next day he repeatedly tried to call & text me but I ended up turning off my phone. A couple of days later he showed up to the apartment causing drama, he was crying about how he needed to get into the apartment so he could get his insulin, he even got his mother in Pakistan on the phone to try to convince me to let him in, but I wasn't going to let him back into the apartment or my life, I was done. I took all of his medications to him in the parking lot, & he complained that he spent the night in his truck because he didn't have any money for a hotel room & he had no where else to stay so I gave him some of the money that I took from him. He then started to freak out saying that his "business partner" was going to kill him so before that could happen he was going to commit suicide. He eventually left so I called the police only because he had threatened to commit suicide. He came back after the police had already arrived, he of course lied & told them he had never threatened to commit suicide. The police informed me that even though he wasn't on the lease I couldn't bar him entry into the apartment since his belongings were inside & he had a key to the door but I convinced the police that I was afraid of him because he had threatened me the last time I saw him & he was abusive. The police let him take his belongings out of the apartment, I let him come back a couple of days later to gather more things but that was the last time I ever let him back into the apartment. I got maintenance to change the locks so he couldn't get back into the apartment but he used the spare key to my car to break into it looking for more of his money. He of course made threats after that but after a few days I finally blocked him from calling me, he also sent other people to call me so they could threaten me.
I hope that you can understand that after that abusive relationship I'm still scarred. I have P.T.S.D. mainly because of him. I believe that I may have some brain damage due to years of abuse but not only from him. In 2014 he had bought a whole lot of jewelry, gave it to me in order for me to sell. I decided instead of trying to earn money for just myself I would use it to turn my pain into purpose. There are many people all over this country that go thru the very same things that I've been through. As you may know there are many domestic violence shelters across the country but often they are filled to capacity, the demand far exceeds the supply. My long term goal is to purchase a 2 story house, renovate it to suit the needs of women & their children escaping domestic violence. Because of my P.T.S.D. it's impossible for me to hold down a job. I have some very bad days & sometimes days that aren't so bad. I do get a disability check but it's only enough to cover the rent. I only get $41 in Food Stamps every month. At this point in time I'm just trying to keep my electricity on, I had to get a prepaid service but soon the $50 I already paid will run out soon. I'm also trying to keep my internet on so that I can look for work or just keep in contact with online contacts. If you're interested please give me a like on my Facebook page Baba Tahir's Closet, if not please contact me thru YP.com, or Yelp.com to help me realize my dreams. The pictures you see with this post is me on an occasion when he hit me so hard he gave me a concussion, & pictures of the destruction S.W.A.T. left behind for me to clean up in his apartment when he was arrested for shooting in the Indian restaurant.
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